What men want in women
Men are also interested in both long-term and short-term partners, unlike women (see the article What Women Want in Men). We will therefore discuss what men expect from long-term partners.
I asked about two hundred men aged 15-40 the question, and here are the answers and their explanations. Sorted by estimated importance.
Due to their physical superiority and less physical strain (absence of pregnancy), men can and are, unlike women, more tolerant in mental compatibility and less tolerant in appearance.
That's too long - say it briefly like AI
Acquaintance phase – slim figure, smile. First date – a certain activity, when you don't leave the conversation or program, just fun, all up to the guy. Teasing or flirting as a challenge or promise of later rapprochement. A fleeting or teasing touch as an encouragement to the man that you can go further later. Action, activity, intimate touches. As a rule, the woman should initiate them as the weaker one.
A boy doesn't need any gifts as an expression of attention - the gift is the presence of a girl.
If you don't like a guy and you tell him you're not my type, or I don't have time, or I don't want a guy yet, he'll think he has hope and needs to try harder. You need to let the guy know more clearly that he's not going to be able to change in the coming months or years.
Describe it in more detail.
Reliability
A serious interest in a long-term partnership is inextricably linked to reliability (= essentially trustworthiness). Without it, things simply don't work out in the long term. Then there's a mix of bonus qualities, the weight of which varies considerably for each man.
Likeability
This means more than just general likability, that she won't be mean or nasty. For a long-term partner, it also means a good heart or at least respect for her husband and family.
Slim figure
Women maintain a better and healthier figure than men. We will say that 20% women have a good figure and another 20% are only slightly overweight up to 4kg (compared to 10% men with a good figure and slightly overweight up to 5kg at the age of 30). From this it can be concluded that women have a higher health discipline. But also that a larger percentage of men want a slim figure than vice versa or that there is greater media and social pressure on women's slim figure.
It follows that for some 25% men aged 30+, a woman's slim figure may be extremely important, as presented in films. For others, slimness is not a key feature, but only a bonus feature to a greater or lesser extent. For men, a woman's slim figure indicates not only health, but also the woman's fertility. A stronger figure rather indicates that the woman has already been through pregnancy. The boundaries of these sets tighten with the man's demands and possibly with decreasing age. This is also because in childhood the female and male worlds are more mentally separated and are evaluated more according to appearance.
A top figure, in addition to extreme visual appeal, also means enjoyment of sports and discipline, and with it, self-confidence. Moreover, both girls with top figures were very into sex (see below) and also healthy self-confidence, so it was fun with them even outside of bed. We only had a few dates, but it was always like being on drugs – a storm of hormones, positive feelings, excitement and joy. For one, it was probably my psychological immaturity after the first sex that killed it, and for the other, our commitments elsewhere. But these were femme fatales and this is what a man definitely wants.
There are also men who prefer a slightly overweight figure, but when we get to the root of it, we find that it is actually a way of masking low self-confidence or other shortcomings of the man, or of staying with a partner who has gained weight.
A top or good figure for a woman is something like when the partner is a multimillionaire. It doesn't have to be, but it greatly improves the choice and negotiating position. Actually, any position :). A good figure at the age of 40+ is no longer just about discipline and wanting to exercise. You need time to exercise that you don't have, as well as peace and energy. If you don't have peace, you stuff yourself with extra food to get through the day and not fall from fatigue. And of course, even if you have enough peace and energy, in your advanced age you already have the means to buy anything good and you like to eat. Then it's hard to lose weight. People 45+ already have to devote a lot of time to warm up and are limited by minor tendonitis. A good figure is therefore practically unattainable for most people, even with strong effort and discipline. That's why practically 100% partners for the age of 30+ tolerate more or less overweight. A good figure at the age of 40+ is a real miracle. It should be viewed as a highly valued characteristic comparable to wealth or social status. It can't just be seen as a bonus or something that goes to the partner just because of good genes. I'm ignoring the health benefits here.
A man appreciates decent or sexy clothing, but it's not nearly as essential as we see in movies and there's no need to worry about it. What's important is what's underneath the clothes :).
Facial appearance and long hair
The assessment of facial appearance is relatively objective. According to the relevant study, people with faces that are as close as possible to the average of all human faces are preferred. The ideal are women with prominent eyes, more prominent cheekbones, a smaller nose, and long hair.
Averageness of the face should also mean left-right symmetry. But a man often doesn't even notice facial asymmetry at first glance, even in women generally considered beautiful. So don't worry if your nose, eye, or mouth are a little off to one side.
According to my observations, the average man aged 25+ considers 20% women beautiful, 40% handsome or acceptable for a long-term relationship. Another 20% women are acceptable only for flirting and the remaining 20% not at all. The boundaries of these sets tighten with the man's demandingness and possibly with decreasing age. This is also because in childhood the female and male worlds are more mentally separated and are evaluated more according to appearance. In other words, for the average man, 3 faces out of 5 are acceptable in the long term = even a girl with an average face gets a full chance with 60% men. The face can be described as an important, but overall relatively little limiting criterion. 10% men or less insist on an objectively beautiful female face. A much stronger appearance factor is the figure.
A woman who is looking for a partner dresses more modestly and especially revealing or with full clothing revealing the figure. This indicates a readiness to reveal more. This gives potential partners more motivation and courage to approach her or indicate interest. That's right. Revealed figures and skin are always automatically and naturally attractive. In case of objections, you can compare the figure in a suit and in a swimsuit. A little overweight is not a problem, but with increasing overweight, the charm of revealing of course disappears.
Sex
Sex is desired by men much more than by women. An estimated 20% men desire sex every day. According to studies of sexual behavior, the result is an average compromise in 7 to 14 days. A man sees sex as intimate communication, entertainment, physical pleasure and as confirmation that he is worthy of his partner - an expression of her interest and attention. Unlike a woman, a man has only pleasant feelings associated with sex with the fairly negligible exception of various disorders and failures during sex. However, a woman perceives sex significantly differently from a man - more often than once a month, it is more or less a reward and attention expressed by a man. See more in the article What women want in men.
Moreover, unlike women, men do not only want cuddly sex from romantic movies, but rougher animal sex. They are biologically set up for sex with multiple partners, but usually live in a monogamous relationship to suit the culture and the woman. In return, they want not only the natural and natural wildness of sex, but also variety in the form of positions, sexual scenarios, clothing, various sexual practices, possibly spiced with submissiveness and dominance on both sides. In exchange for more sex, men are often willing to accept the submissive role. But through submissiveness, men give women control, a sense of security and respect. The man has this in mind that he has to suffer something for sex, which is more or less always true. So he also enjoys the submissive role.
About 5% women are into sex the same way as men. I call them “rajdas” in a good sense, probably based on the English “ride” to ride (on a horse). I have experienced 5 such women and it is the dream of most men. The first became a famous porn actress in the USA and the last a sexual masseuse. They have a similar desire for sex as men. They enjoy sex, they easily reach orgasm and sex with them is really intense, spontaneous and, most importantly, mutual. They often also manage to achieve multiple orgasms with an interval of several minutes without the man making any special effort, which is great fun for men and a stroke of the ego. It is not that a woman just works it out in set sexual positions or with disinterest in a renounced sexual role :). Woman – Rajda visibly radiates sexual charisma and is a magnet for men despite any minor or major flaws in appearance.
If you want to turn a man on, any sex, but especially active sex, is definitely a safe bet. Regardless of whether it's the first sex or sex in a long-term relationship. A female orgasm may not necessarily be a woman's need, but a female orgasm is a reward and the least a man can do for a woman during sex. If a woman only cares a little about orgasm... Feel free to jokingly order a man that once you've spread your legs in front of him, he must tease you with his fingers and tongue until you're satisfied. He'll be happy and will gladly take it. And if not, then it's a trap that's better to avoid.
Men also like cuddling, just like other animals. In a long-term relationship, however, they want this activity to be naturally connected to sex and not isolated like in romantic movies. Men want to spend more time with women in bed. When a man is with you in bed, he is really there with his full attention for you. It doesn't matter if you both look at your mobile phones or computer for a while and then start cuddling or having sex again.
Joint activities as a participant, not just a spectator
In activities and interests, the male and female worlds are usually quite different. They are also biologically different and must be different, and with exceptions (mixed sports), balance and safety must separate male and female sports. Men have a higher tolerance for risk and are more likely to seek out more action-packed - more physical (sports) or adrenaline-fueled activities. This is a biologically determined difference.
Another difference is social. In films we see dinner in a restaurant, a cinema and a café, a car trip – for the very brave, a short swim in a lake. But nothing is expected of a woman other than to be there… present… basically like a spectator in a theatre, a cinema in a castle. A woman does not have to do anything to please a man.
Although women are more hardworking at work, they are a bit lazier in joint activities, regardless of physical differences or gender preferences. In joint activities, there is certainly a lot of room to offer more than other women. Not to be just a spectator, but an active participant.
Sports (physical activities)
Sports (or physical activities such as dancing) deserve to be highlighted separately, not only because men often mention it as a quality they want in a woman. Sports combine several good qualities that a man appreciates in a woman. First, it shapes the figure. The top figures from my girl dates were a ballerina, 4 track and field athletes – runners and 2 aerobics instructors. Fitness girls, gymnasts, modern dancers and a model also had very good figures.
Secondly, sport means a more active activity that men like more than other activities. Even girls with a good (not top) figure who hardly exercise were exceptional. They lack my favorite joint activities and diligence. This means less fun in all aspects.
People like to be lulled into thinking that even a slight overweight is okay. Honestly, even a 2kg weight difference is easy to see. Girls from Southeast Asia need to be more tolerant of sports, where a walk or warm-up is considered sufficient exercise, with a few exceptions :). That's why Asian women, despite being generally slimmer than European women, often have loose arms and thighs (such as rollers or duck legs).
Sport also combines discipline, higher self-confidence in women and thus better fun with men.
Less important features
Flirting women, humor
Flirting is not a quality that we expect or need from the opposite sex, but it is very welcome. I had to put it among the less important qualities because not many women have it. The basis is probably in the intensity of the moment when, with a certain courage to expose your sympathies, you indirectly express your interest in a potential partner. A deeper look and breathing, a smile, a compliment, a remark about noticing a change, movements that show interest or your physical strengths (arranging your hair, leaning towards your partner, straightening your shoulders and sticking out your chest). Flirting can arouse interest even in a partner who would not be interested on his own.
We all flirt since childhood, when there is no difference between fun and entertainment due to mutual affection between a girl and a boy. All you have to do is really arouse interest. Exceptionally, you can create a pleasantly tense sensual atmosphere.
A girl definitely has nothing to lose by flirting, even if she overdoes it. When a guy flirts too much, he can look either desperate or threatening. But every guy will appreciate a decent flirt as an interest, a compliment, and an ego stroke. Even if he knows that you're not really interested in him and the flirting was just a positive joke.
The same applies to humor as to flirting. It is more verbal. The purpose is also to arouse sympathy and have fun, but it also works completely outside the sexual realm.
Decent behavior in society
Men expect women to behave well in public, but women generally have no problem with that, so it's not really a competitive advantage. A more valuable trait is a good relationship and communication with a man's friends, unless the man is jealous.
Intelligence
Intelligence can be knowledge, social, problem-solving. Everything is better with it in a partner – humor, fun, problem-solving, finances, health. But most men don't really need it in women (and not even in themselves 🙂). So the jokes that men don't need it in women are true.
Financial self-sufficiency and independence
This requirement surprised me especially among well-off college students who had no need for it at all. But it is more heavily represented than one would expect from films where it is attributed to approximately 0% men.
Two guys I considered good friends primarily demanded that a woman take care of herself financially, and one lawyer told me that he was waiting until she became a judge to get married. My girlfriend turned down a cop in front of me, saying they had little money.
Cleaning and cooking
Most modern men don't require this and will do not only all the maintenance - technical and digital, but also half of the housework. For the vast majority of men, this will not be a fundamental requirement.
Tattoos and piercings – evolving
The majority of the population – especially women, but also men – consider tattoos and especially piercings (except earrings) to be negative. The view of tattoos and piercings is shifting and will continue to shift in favor of tattoos and piercings as time progresses and society becomes more open. However, if you want a more active or daring partner (less calm and security, more fun and excitement), a discreet tattoo or a discreet piercing is a good signal.
Peace and tolerance
Women don't have that, according to the media or reality, and men don't expect it from them (but they definitely appreciate it). It's probably in order for women to be mentally tougher and thus balance out men's greater physical strength.
Breast
Size is not decisive and there is no point in dealing with it. A man who desires large breasts is rather compensating for something, but he does not actually require it. Breast enlargement may be important for work in the media or among people, etc. It is something to look at and it is fun, but a man does not require it in his partner and enlarging her breasts will not bring him joy.
I had a beautiful girl, an aerobics instructor with a top figure. It was just that her breasts were slanted from the middle of her body to her hips. It wasn't something that was fundamentally wrong and that I would address or ever mention. But if she had suggested that she have her breasts straightened with surgery (if that's even possible), I would have been happy.
Healthy self-esteem
Unfortunately, practically no woman has full, healthy self-confidence without complexes. That's why I had to put this quality in last place. Otherwise, it would be very welcome. And I dare say that maybe even TOP3.
When I was 18, a strange girl customer came to my sex shop. She wasn't exactly my ideal type, but she sensed that I liked her and started flirting with me when I was 45. I was fascinated by her healthy self-confidence. How is it that she can talk to men without any hesitation? I asked about it later and she said that at 16 she spent her holidays in a restaurant as the only girl with 20 guys and that her mother also likes to flirt. But she also had a talent for words. See more in the upcoming erotic story Holidays with a high school graduate. Out of thousands of girls whose faces we could observe or hear for a few minutes, only about 5 were completely free of any qualms. There was no famous actress or personality among them, for example. The other one was an IT girl who was also used to mostly men. However, healthy self-confidence definitely does not equal the ability to talk to men (it can be one of the conditions for healthy self-confidence). It is simply the absence of complexes. In practice, this means, for example, that you will not be affected by a stupid remark or that you will help a guy or you out of an embarrassing situation that the guy caused.
Healthy self-confidence usually means a lot of fun and comfort for both men and you (the woman), even if the guy is a jerk. First of all, girls, don't be afraid of your small imperfections, they are not important to the guy or to you. Second, try to spend some time in a team of men, learn how they think and communicate.
Healthy self-esteem is associated with humor, the art of flirting, and a good figure. It's not a must for guys, but if you also have a decent appearance, maybe slightly above average, you'll mow down guys like a combine. Girls like that really shine, and a man only sees them a few times in his life.
When a woman has the upper hand in a relationship
The woman fully meets the man's criteria in such a situation and runs away from him. The man tries harder to attract her mentally and then appreciates the qualities that women normally value in men more (What women want in men).
Vladimir Koranda
